Rough times!

I would love to make this blog possitive and uplifting, but cancer is anything but that.  This is going to be a blog about the struggles of dealing with cancer.  It is 4am and I've been up for the last several hours crying.  The more I read about melanoma cancer the more it upsets me, but how else do I learn to keep my husband alive and fighting. 
I watch day after day as my strong husband lays in bed in pain and can't get up to do normal activities.  I constantly think about the fact that I will not have someone to grow old with, my daughter will not have a father to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, that my boys will not have their daddy around to teach them to hunt and other boy things, that all of our dreams we have had may not come true.
Chris is my one and only soul mate!  We went on our first date when I was only 14 and he was 15.  We dated all through high school and most of college.  We did break up for a couple of years and both dated other people, but that is when I learned that Chris will always be the only man I will ever love.  Not a day has passed since I was 14 that I have not thought about him. 
I sleep maybe 4-5 hours a day and spend the rest of time crying because this is the only time I can without being a mess in front of Chris and the kids. 
Sorry, I got nothing uplifting today.  Maybe this is why I shouldn't blog in the middle of the night!